Saturday 4 February 2012

A FLEET STREET WALK

It’s six thirty and we’re finally in a pub.

The Tipperary
The Tipperary is a bit of a disappointment, and as Irish pubs go, it’s about as memorable as a Presbyterian wake. But at least it’s a pub.

To be fair, it’s the first real disappointment of our Fleet Street walk, devised and guided by Michael Williams, whose journalistic career began in the street in ‘71 as a junior reporter at the London office of the Liverpool Daily Post.

Michael’s entertaining and informative pre-walk notes very much gave the impression that the day would be a long, boozy affair revolving around famous watering landmarks of the glory days described as the “Mecca of journalism” by Francois Nel, the Uclan Director of Leaders Programme, who accompanies us on the tour.

Not so - things aren’t what they used to be. Gone are the days of “Lunchtime O’Booze” and lunches Michael confessed to “…consisting of three bottles of champagne, two bottles of Margaux, half a bottle of Graves (and a small amount of food)”.

Portland Place - Home of the BBC
It’s off to the BBC first. David Hayward and Roxanna Shapour, from the BBC World Service, meet us outside Broadcasting House in Portland Place.



“Hey, love the glasses,” Roxanna teases Michael. She tells us that from October this year, the entire BBC will be run from either Portland Place or Salford. Left to ponder this outside the Beeb, as Roxanna gives us chapter and verse on the BBC World Service, I find myself concluding that the glasses are a little too Hockneyesque for old Fleet Street.

Cleared for security, we’re ushered into the Persian newsroom where we go largely unnoticed amid a burble of subdued research and negotiation. A broadcast to the Middle East is taking place with the grandiose façade of Langham’s hotel as a backdrop.

Outside, Neil the floor manager describes his role choreographing live broadcasts. It reminds me of why I gave up teaching. “…trying to keep them in order in there is a bloody nightmare,” he says.

I’m at a loss to understand why the BBC broadcasts to Persia at all, where it’s considered a crime of treason to tune in. Reuters are only permitted a foothold in order to generate news wires on the condition that they don’t feed them to the BBC.  Roxanna tells us that no one’s actually been arrested for transgressing but many have been brought in for questioning.

I ask Francois why we bother and he explains that the World Service was funded by the Foreign Office until recently but now it comes out of the BBC’s budget. I’m left to wonder whether this is education or subjugation, but according to the Iranian government’s own figures, over 25 million tune in, so it reaches a wider audience than the Simpsons or Family Guy. Understandably, it is not easy to validate viewing figures when admitting to owning a satellite dish, let alone confessing to watching BBC, may land you in jail.

The Arabic channel broadcasts 24 hours a day, seven days a week and serves 22 countries in the Middle East. The impressive facilities include a green screen - the only other one in the UK is in Ireland but they haven’t worked out how to install it yet. Green side up, I’d say.

After an over-priced sandwich we’re off to the Daily Telegraph offices in Victoria. Copies of The Telegraph, founded in 1855, was first sold for sixpence but shortly after its launch the government of the day removed Stamp Duty – referred to as “a tax on knowledge”- on newspapers.  By 1865, now priced at a penny, it had a circulation of 480,000.

Our guide is Fleet Street veteran George Mewhey-Buvlle who has worked for the Telegraph for 47 years. The paper has relocated twice, he tells us, first from Fleet Street to Canary Wharf, where the offices were too vertical – horizontal is best for a newspaper – then to its current home in Victoria.

“The Telegraph had moved in the past but hadn’t moved on”, says Mewhey-Buvlle, “but now you come in each Monday to find something different. The success of a newspaper,” he adds,  “is defined by a good circulation, a good rate card and better commercial orientation than your competitors. Nowadays you have to be as multi-faceted as possible. Life is ‘swim upstream’. Dead ones float down with it’”. I had a feeling that George, who appears to be more Bill Deeds than Bill Swim-Upstream, is a little uneasy with modern management-speak. I ponder whether I would be a swimmer or a floater in these magnificent settings which include a gym, spacious rest and dining areas, but – reflecting the times – no bar that I can see.

Mark Skegworth edits the Saturday Telegraph and takes up the baton from George: “I think it’s a really good time in terms of general re-structuring of the industry,” he says, adding that the road to Fleet Street has veered away from the traditional proving ground of the regional newspaper. This still exists today but is less viable, with most young journalists lucky enough to get a start coming through the university pathway.

“To quote the old football manager’s clique,” he says, “There’s a blend of youth and experience”. Funny – but on the way out I only clock one bloke over the age of 40.

Mid-afternoon and we’re off to the Blue Fin Building, home of IPC, in Southwark Street. On the winter streets of the capital’s commercial heart, it’s “… the violet hour, when the eyes and back turn upward from the desk, and when the human engine waits like a taxi throbbing, waiting”.

The Blue Fin Building - home of IPC Magazines
But in the Blue Fin building, Eliot’s parody of late afternoon desk-life winding down towards the debauched vacuity of early evening is nowhere to be seen. Instead, we’re in a conference room, being greeted by former Uclan starlet Lauren O’Callaghan, winner of the prodigious IPC Graduate Scheme placement last year.

Five o’clock and there’s still not the faintest sniff of an alcoholic drink, but iced juice and a coffee are welcome. Lauren talks us through her journey to Southwark Street and gives advice on work placements: “I worked my ass off in the interview…people can always tell when you’ve put a lot into it,” she says. “As a student, you have a perception of what it would be like to work in an office. The thing that surprised me was that the teams aren’t as big as you thought they’d be.”

The Blue Fin Building is home to 67 titles, divided into three wings. Connect, specialises in women and home publications. Inspire deals with men’s magazines and entertainment, and South Bank is the division that produces the high-end glossies, such as Marie Claire and Homes and Gardens.

“And on your placement,” says Lauren, summing up, “Show that you’re willing to put the effort in and not moan.”

Brett Lewis is a print designer by trade but is currently the Group Creative Director for IPC. The arrival of the App – and there I was thinking that an app is something you pointed at a plane to see where it’s going, or that told you when the next bus is due – has changed everything.

Brett shows us his one-shot David Bowie (The Ultimate Musical Guide) app. This is a smorgasbord of video, musical clips, text, and multi-layered rich content on a digital hybrid platform with everything that you could possibly want embedded.

But I’m still a bit confused as to what exactly an app is and why my life is incomplete without one, until Brett tells us precisely why IPC are stoned in love with the things: “While print sold 8,000 in four weeks, the digital version sold 4,000 in three months and is continuing to sell at 1,000 per month”. This means a longer shelf life – except, of course, shelves don’t exist any more.

It’s a whole new world. The trouble about not being young any more is that just as soon as you’ve got a broad understanding of how something works, along comes something else and you have to start all over again.  Back in the ‘80s, I loved Spandau Ballet. I thought that it would never be possible for anyone to make better music.  And then along came Oasis and my New Romanticism went west.

Next we’re off on a tour of the shop floor. Everything is open plan and only a ceiling marker board seperates Nuts from Woman’s Weekly. I have no difficulty in locating Horse & Hound, where I’m hoping to be whipped into shape in March. A bale of hay marks the threshold of their territory but there’s no clear delineation where theirs ends and Eventing’s begins – no stable door to bolt nor puissance wall to jump. There’s no one here for me to introduce myself to, as Thursday’s edition goes to print today and they’re all locked into final editorial tweaking.

I find Rugby World, who I write a weekly on-line column for, but there’s no one here either – maybe they’re all in the sin bin.

And that concludes our visit to the Blue Fin but with it comes the realisation that we haven’t actually reached Fleet Street yet.

It’s just a short walk away; because of building work we forego the quickest route across the Millennium Bridge, but cross further upstream and make our way to the Tipperary and a welcome pint of Guinness. It doesn’t touch the sides.

Reflecting on an excellent day over a second pint of the black stuff, as Francois patiently explains how Twitter works, I’m reminded of an incident on our way to Southwark Street. Finding myself in a tube carriage with Francois, I ask about the political situation in his homeland, South Africa. Such is his enthusiasm for describing the denouements of the post-apartheid political balance that we almost miss our station. We would have, in fact, had I not put my 15 stone frame to good use and busted out of the closing carriage door, much to the annoyance of London Transport officialdom, from whom we received a severe tannoyed admonishment.  Oddly enough, my fellow students found this most amusing.

Our group disperses and so I cross the road to the Old Cheshire Cheese, which serves a decent pint of bitter for £2.40 and a roast beef dinner for under a tenner. Back in the day, Sun journalists were reputed to have thrown darts at the landlady’s poodle. Slightly less worthy of mention is the fact that, amongst other literary heavyweights, Charles Dickens and Samuel Johnson drank here.

There are no poodles, literary greats nor even a Sun journalist here today.

The “Mecca of Journalism” has long since dispersed, “and their friends, the loitering heirs of City directors departed, have left no addresses”.















Sunday 8 January 2012

AT LAST - A VIBRATOR FOR MEN. DON’T LET THE GIRLS HAVE ALL THE FUN!

The latest figures show that men are finally getting into sex toys. Richard Grainger asks if a vibrator for your man is the perfect gift for Valentine’s Day, or is a male adult product still a little bit grubby.
We’ve all heard about boys’ toys - fast cars, performance motorbikes, and the latest communications gadgets, but male sex toys are rapidly becoming another massive market designed to give men outstanding pleasure in a variety of ways.
Stephen Hackett is a former bank manager turned website designer – nothing too sensational there. However, Hackett’s internet prowess, coupled with a repressed entrepreneurial spirit, led to the launch of Venus Sales Ltd., trading as Temptations Direct, on online supplier of adult products.

Founded in 2002, Temptations Direct started off as a small family enterprise operating out of a spare bedroom. The company now has an annual turnover of £400,000 and employs four members of staff at its new base in the Imex Centre, Redditch, Worcestershire.

Who framed Roger Rabbit?
Sales of sex toys for women have soared over the past decade, as they have increasingly become more comfortable talking openly about their use. The infamous episode from Sex and the City – referred to as The Turtle and the Hare - wherein Roger the rabbit vibrator received much exposure, challenged Ann Summers and other adult retail outlets to meet the demand for this new urge.

Depending on where you look, figures suggest that anywhere between one in three women up to as many as 90 per cent of women, own at least one sex toy.

Hackett believes that the huge growth in sales that the industry has seen in recent years, has actually been helped by the recession. “People are now making different choices”, says Hackett. “Instead of going out for a meal and a few drinks, they stay in with a bottle of wine, dress up, or whatever takes their fancy and experiment sexually with some of the terrific products that are on the market. It’s a very exciting trend, and demand is massive at the moment.”

However it was through the anonymity of the web, which permits the purchaser to sidestep the embarrassment of a shop purchase, that the market for adult products boomed.

In addition to market-leader Ann Summers, companies such as Temptations Direct, Passion8, and LoveHoney have enjoyed a year-on-year hike in sales for toys that appeal to women, couples and the new growth market – men.


However, while sex toys for women have historically aroused a respectable level of curiosity, products for men have always been considered as, well… rather grubby.

According to Nel Johnson, a sex therapist from Pembroke Dock, there is still a perception that a woman will use a toy to satisfy her needs impersonally and without the need to resort to an extra-marital affair. A man, on the other hand (pardon the pun) is perceived as using a toy because he cannot persuade a woman to have sex with him.

Men are reluctant to talk about sex toys, “Just try asking a bunch of blokes down the pub what’s their favourite masturbator and see what reaction you get”, says Johnson, “The silence will be deafening”.

So I did - but to be fair - not in South Wales where I feared the answer to this question, if indeed there was one, may involve sheep.

Instead, I held an impromptu and informal focus group in my local pub. Most of the men I surveyed denied any knowledge of their existence, although Marcus, an accountant from Macclesfield, admitted to tickling his scrotum with his wife’s vibrator on one occasion, when she was at the bridge club.


The Autoblow Blast - thumbs up from Bob, aged 74.
I was about to conclude that Johnson was right when Bob, from the Bramhall butcher’s shop, cleared his throat and quietly said, “I'm not a young guy at 74, and at my age it's difficult to get women to have sex -believe it or not. I read some Autoblow Blast reviews, and decided to buy one. I've had better blowjobs – that's for sure – but none given to me by a machine!”

Johnson was right about one thing – the silence was deafening.

I decided to find out what sort of devices were on offer to tempt men to put their toe in the water (so to speak) and had a look on the web. Here I found a veritable Pandora’s box of male toys to get him off and products to get him on.
A young Master Bator
From masturbators to sophisticated blowjob machines - such as the one endorsed by Bob; from authentic artificial vaginas such as the SnatchLite or the Seamen’s Penis Pump, to simpler devices such as cock rings, butt plugs, and sensual lubes. I even found The Fun Factory Cobre Libre - a vibrator designed for men, billed as the perfect gift for Valentine’s Day. And in keeping with other trends in the manufacturing economy, it’s no surprise that 70 per cent of these products are manufactured in China.
Still in the dark? - Well here's a Fleshlight - but don't try to
find your way home with it!
According to Hackett, male toys are no longer a taboo subject; they are imaginative, creative, and incredibly sensual. Male toy technology continues to advance rapidly as more money is pumped (literally) into a $15 billion market growing by 30 per cent each year.
Temptations Direct (www.temptationsdirect.co.uk) have published their top ten bestsellers for December 2011 and this year, for the first time, their best selling product was a toy aimed at men: The Animal Handy Vagina – three words that I would not have expected to have seen placed together in that order.

The rabbit vibrator, which over the years has won more pole positions than Michael Schumacher, was relegated to fourth place.

The full top ten is as follows:
The Animal Handy Vagina
1.         The Animal Handy Vagina
2.         ID Sensual Glide Lubricant
3.         Soft Bondage Set
4.         Jessica Rabbit Vibrator
5.         Sparkle Sex Toy Cleaner
6.         Multispeed Bully Boy Vibrator
7.         Screaming O RingO
8.         Super Slik Lub
9.         Bondage Tape
10.       Vibrating Oro Stimulator

"We've known for a long time that men enjoy using sex toys,” says Hackett, “the problem is getting them to admit to it. There still seems to be a shame element associated with a man owning and using such a toy."

Lubricants and toy cleaner were other unexpected top sellers for the Christmas period. Hackett explains, "The popularity of the lubricants doesn't entirely surprise me. We have been bestowing the virtues of a good quality lubricant for some time and it seems that our customers are taking on board our advice. Keeping your toy clean can help the toy to last longer and in these days of financial difficulties customers are looking to ensure their purchase lasts as long as possible. So it makes sense for our customers to buy toy cleaner".

Ah well, you can take the man out of the bank, but you can’t entirely take the bank out of the man.