Ricky Gervias. Love him or hate him.

Ricky Gervias. Love him or hate him.

Here are a few recent quotes from Ricky’s website:

“I love how me using "mong" to mean "div" or "gimp" (and explaining that 20 times) has become...” …become what, Ricky, a bit like Brucey’s ‘…nice to see you, to see you…nice’? A bit like Sir Bob imploring us to ‘…get yer f**king money out?’

‘"Ricky Gervais abuses Down's Syndrome children.’ Ha ha. Why children?”

Why indeed Ricky? You put the thought out there; you’d probably call it “the mong elephant in the room…or perhaps, the elephant in the mong room”.

‘Also a tweet that wasn't even mine is suddenly one of my "sick jokes"’. Did anyone laugh, Ricky? ‘Cos it certainly can’t have been one of yours if they did.

“I also love how everyone is trying to get in on it too. We'll definitely see some comedians on daytime telly discussing how terrible I am, then mentioning their upcoming gig that's not selling. Good luck to them though.” Ah, there’s no such thing as bad publicity, is there, Ricky? But they’re right about one thing – you are terrible, so anyone discussing you can’t be that bad. Definitely.

“I'm keeping out of it.” Bollox – you’re milking the publicity for all you’re worth!

“Now I understand that you can't please everyone with the things you say and nor should you try... but surely they have to report what I say accurately before they start to damn it?”  Well, yes, you do have a point there, Ricky. But that’s the press for you; accuracy never stands in the way of a good story. But actually although you may have been a teeny-weeny bit mis-quoted on something of absolutely no consequence, evidence of your use of the word “mong” is pretty watertight. Just have a look at the first quote from your own blog.

“Again that's the good thing about Twitter. It's documented.” Ah yes, it is. And the bad thing about Twitter is also that’s it’s documented.

“I should just say a thank you for the overwhelming support too. Means a lot.” Vanity, Ricky – pure vanity.

And that's another thing. All these people saying it's "disgusting" and "ban him from the telly"... They never liked me anyway. They couldn't have or they would understand.  Vanity…followed by paranoia. Hitler was misunderstood by people who didn’t like him too. And while I’m not comparing you to Hitler, Ricky – perish the thought - there are certain similarities: short, pompous, self-deluded, had a lot to say - none of which was remotely funny, especially if you were disabled or a “mong”…I could go on.

But hang on – do you seriously believe that there are people out there who don’t like you, Ricky? People who don’t find you amusing? People who consider that your extraordinary arrogance and the distain with which you treat your audience is less excusable than the use of a mildly controversial word? My girlfriend has a dog named “Mongo”; we sometimes shorten it to “Mong” and he’s not offended and he’s about as mongrel-oid as it’s possible to be.

And I don’t suppose anyone else would be have been had you not done your best to divert attention away from how unfunny you are by being so utterly provocative.

But you’re probably right – your distracters never liked you anyway. And as you say, they certainly can’t ban you. Why? Because you’re Ricky Gervias, of course, the indisputable, indispensible funny-man and comic genius.

But I’ll let you have the last word, Ricky:

“Still mustn't grumble.”